The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
