That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
