I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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