Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
