I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
