i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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