You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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