remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
