Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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