apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
