he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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