how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
