I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
