im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My feet surprised me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
