You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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