mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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