she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
