Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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