just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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