See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
