Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
