I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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