bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
