If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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