dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
