3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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