Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
