We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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