is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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