its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
