He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
