nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
