So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
