There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
