Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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