You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
