YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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