; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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