I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
