I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
