grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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