I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
