...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize