My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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