I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
