just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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