Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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