I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
