it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
