it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
