Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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