The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
