She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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