Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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