No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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