There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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