Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
