apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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