We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I enjoy the company of your penis
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