i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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