does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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