my phone needs a breathalizer
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
