I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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