I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
